Did you ever know a girl whose life aspiration consists of being a good wife and mom, who likes to stay out of the center of attention, and who tries to find the lemonade in all lemons, much to the chagrin of those around her? That girl is me. My name is Traci. As you may have guessed, I've been watching a lot of Earl reruns thanks to Netflix streaming, but what an intro!
You are probably wondering where in the world I came up with the name for my blog. Genesis 45:10 says "You shall live in the area of Goshen and be near me - you, your children and grandchildren, your flocks and herds and all you have." Later on in Exodus, the Israelites, God's people, who lived in Goshen, were kept safe from the plagues of Egypt. I see much of my life similar to that of the Israelites. I've spent a lot of time in bondage of one type or another, but God has had a Divine hand over me, and I have been kept safe from what could have been much, much worse.
So, what what is this blog about? One word -- practice. God laid on my heart instructions to write a book about parenting a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. This was confirmed when my best friend, Dee, called me about a year ago and told me God had given her the same word for me. When my friend Nichole encouraged me to start a blog, I thought it might be fun and would give me some good practice and maybe even some good feedback from readers.
I've searched book stores for years trying to find a book to shed light through a Christian perspective on parenting tough children with no success. My goal is to let people in my boat know they are not alone, and that God is faithful, even when it doesn't look like it in the natural, and more importantly, when we feel like He is far away (which He is not, we are the only ones who move.)
Our story as parents started almost eight years ago. After 12 years of marriage, and a lot of soul searching, we decided to become adoptive parents. We were introduced to a sibling group of three who had not lived in the same home. Due to extreme abuse and neglect, there were some challenges we knew about and many we did not. Ultimately, we adopted the two younger children after it was determined that safety would be an issue if they were all placed together. Life as we knew it was over, but God's grace is sufficient, and shortly after the adoption, we both resumed our walk with Him after long detours for both of us. This reunion with Abba Father literally saved our lives, which you'll learn more about another time.
After a few years, we had to place the oldest child into an inpatient program. During the first part of his stay there, we learned of some horrific things he had perpetrated on our younger child. Shortly after this discovery, we learned that due to violent and sexual tendencies, we needed to find another program for the older child. You can probably put pieces together here, but suffice to say that bringing the older one home was no longer an option for us in the interests of our then 7-year-old. To complicate matters, we could not find a facility with available beds who could take a teenager with these issues and our son made it very clear that he would aggressivly resist a return to our home. We made decisions that no parent should ever have to make, and released custody of the older child back to our state. I know this is an extremely controversial decision. If it was only having fires set in our home, stealing, stalking neighbors and regular runaways, it is not a decision we'd have made. But when you have a little girl whose innocence has been stolen under threat of being killed and having her parents killed, it becomes a choice to protect one child from further abuse.
All three siblings have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). This is a disorder that can begin in utero. A child has a need (as an infant, this might be having a dirty diaper or being hungry) that is consistently not met. A bond fails to form with a caregiver, and the result is a child who not only won't, but can't form attachments. They do not trust adults and do everything in their power to push people close to them away. I'll share more about RAD in later posts, but suffice it to say, parenting a child with this disorder is extremely difficult and exhausting.
The good news today is that our daughter is coming home next week from an 18-month inpatient program for RAD. She has made a lot of progress. Her bad days now are like her good days used to be. It is going to be a huge transition for all of us, but I'm trusting God for wisdom to be exactly what she needs. My big prayer for her this year is to make her first friend. Can you imagine being almost 12 and not ever having had a friend? I don't have a ton, because despite the person people close to me know, I'm pretty shy and am horrible in groups, but I have a few close and wonderful friends, and I have no idea how I'd make it through life without them. So when middle school starts for my little one this year, I am praying that her peers will see the beauty not only outside, but inside her, and get to know her enough to overlook the remnants of her past.
Seems like a good place to stop for today, so be blessed and make an effort to spend some time with God today. He really likes it when you talk with Him!
